There’s nothing wrong with you that can’t be fixed. If you’ve been hard on yourself (which you know you are), it’s not likely anything you’ve done wrong. It’s likely an easily identified set of behaviors that just don’t serve you anymore.
Do You Have a Confidence Problem?
You have a million ideas about what you want to do with your life, but you just haven’t gotten around to it. Maybe you’ve spent your life making sure others get what they need. Maybe someone else steered you in the direction of their dreams instead of yours, and somehow you’ve been on that path ever since. Maybe you just never had the nerve to even ask yourself what you really want.
Whatever the circumstances, you find yourself well into adulthood wondering why you’ve never achieved any of those things you always thought you wanted. And now, as you ponder how to actually get there, you have more excuses than hairs on your head for why you can’t do it.
· You’re too old.
· You don’t have time for something new.
· You don’t earn enough money.
· You don’t have a tribe or group of girlfriends who get you to cheer you on.
· You need to lose 20 pounds.
· You’re divorced.
· You don’t have enough money in the bank.
· Your parents (or your brother, or your last boss, or your ex) always said you’d never make it…
But maybe it’s not about the excuses or obstacles.
Maybe it’s a confidence problem.
If you see yourself in any of the following behaviors, it’s highly likely you have a confidence problem.
1. You Turn Down Invitations
If you’re a mom, you’ve likely gotten used to saying no. When your baby was teething, you knew enough to stay home and sleep because you never knew when Emily would wake up and be inconsolable. As your kids grew up, you had to refuse multiple birthday events, that super expensive summer camp, or the $500 prom dress. Over time, you got used to saying no.
But when you turn down invitations for no real reason, it’s a confidence problem. You DO have something to wear. You WILL know somebody there. You ARE an important part of the group. You WILL be missed if you don’t go.
2. You Compare Yourself to Others
Her house is bigger. Their kids are better students. He’s more successful. They have the best relationship. She’s always dressed so cute. He’s got abs. She drives a Porsche. Their dog is so photogenic.
Admit it. You’ve compared yourself to that up-and-comer at work or the new woman at the gym, and you’ve been left making a list of all your shortcomings.
But when you get really good at noticing everyone and everything that is a little MORE than you, it’s a confidence problem. You HAVE come a long way. You DO look great in that black dress. You ARE good at your job. Your dog DOES bring the ball back to you. You WILL keep moving toward your goals.
3. You Keep Things Way Too Long
By things, I mean clothes, appliances, phones, friends, exes, and grudges. Keeping old things reminds you of who you used to be and where you came from, which is a positive thing in small doses.
But when you’re holding on to things that are long dead, it’s a confidence problem. You’re keeping the door open for, “What if…” and it kills your ability to grow and move forward. I always say, “There’s no way to keep a dead thing from stinking.” That includes possessions that you don’t need AND RELATIONSHIPS that no longer serve you. You DON’T need that back-up hairdryer. There ARE quality people out there waiting to meet you. You AREN’T going to gain the weight back.
4. You Are Chronically Late
I used to have a friend who was always an hour late. We used to say she was on Chicago time. We consistently told her to arrive an hour ahead of when we told everyone else, but it didn’t do any good. She was still late.
People have the belief that chronically late people disrespect other people’s time.
But the truth is, if you’re the friend on Chicago time, it’s a confidence problem. YOU DISREPECT YOURSELF. You ARE an important element of the meeting. You WILL be missed. You CAN wake up earlier, leave the house earlier, gather your belongings in advance.
5. You Talk About People Behind Their Backs
Everyone has done it from time to time, but when you call, email, or text someone specifically to discuss another person, it’s a confidence problem. Not only will you lose friends, but you’ll soon hate yourself even more. You Do have other interesting thing to share and discuss. You WON’T look better for pointing out other's stumbles or failures. You CAN shut down the gossip mill that you’ve cultivated.
Confidence is THE KEY to a successful and fulfilling life, for without it, you may never even attempt the things that you’ve always dreamed of. If you see yourself in any of the above behaviors, and you think you’d like to learn some confidence building skills, Shoot me your email address and I’ll get you in our group where I share tips and tricks to SHED SELF-DOUBT AND BUILD CONFIDENCE TO CREATE A LIFE OF YOUR OWN DESIGN.
Julie@calltoleadcoaching.com
